So here we go our separate ways. There is no point hoping to revert this anymore. I came to terms with the fact that it is what it is, and it is not going to change. It is hard to imagine my life without you, it is hard to start a draft of a different future. I wish I did not have to start over, I wish I did not have to get to know anyone else. It is you that I want for my life, it is you I envision in my future and I just can’t remove that future from my head. No matter how hard reality is hitting me you are still embedded in my story. I feel that something died inside of me the day you told me you did not love me. I kept on insisting but I understand there is so much I can do to win you back. As you said, this is what I want but not what you want so it is time for me to stop. I broke you and I broke myself. I never thought love could hurt this much. I just want to thank you for loving me so much, so openly, so honestly. I am sorry i could not understand your way of communicating your love, for not realizing how deep it was, for breaking up with you to elicit a strong reaction so I would actually hear you say so. I deeply, deeply regret having betrayed your devotion. Thank you for being my support in stressful times. Thank you for believing in me when even I doubted myself. You made me smarter, you made me stronger and even though this is done, you even left me with many relationship lessons that i had to learn the hard way. I’m sad. This week has been really hard but it is like going to the gym. It will get better and eventually it’ll stop hurting and will start shaping into a better outcome. I just wish I did not have to make an effort to forget you. I wish I could go back to taking care of you. I miss everything about you. Watching you work on the computer, which by the way is what i secretly used to do in riverside; feeling your touch at night, especially these cold night which are great to just cuddle; but most of all i just miss talking to you. I miss our conversations, our disagreements, our arguments. I feel very lonely. You were my best friend, you were my family in a place where it is so hard to find someone to relate to. I moved here because i could not stand the idea of being away from you. I have no idea how I will do it without you in my life. I feel lost, vulnerable, scared. and terribly terribly lonely. I feel dead. I know I will get over this, it will take me a while but I will get better and you will be part of a "sometimes great, sometimes terrible, but mostly wonderful" time. I just wish I did not have to do so. Wherever you are when you read this, if you ever do, I hope you are happy, I hope you don’t give up on love and I hope you get to smile often. I really wish you all the best in life because there is nothing better than to see you happy.
Lots of love,